The Great Mystery

I had just written that we are to submit "to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21), and now I bring that word down into the house where husband and wife live. Do not read what follows as a chain; read it as a picture. For everything I say here about the wife and the husband, I say because it tells of Christ and the church — that is the thing I am really reaching for.

To the wife I wrote, "submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22), and I give the reason at once: "the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body" (Ephesians 5:23). This is no license for a man to lord it over her. See what kind of head Christ is, for that is the pattern set over the whole passage. He is "himself its Savior." His headship is not a throne he sits on above her, but a cross he gives himself upon for her.

So the weight of my word falls hardest on the husbands. "Love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). There it is — the giving up of himself. A man is not told to make his wife holy by his ruling, but to spend himself for her good, as Christ does, "that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word" (Ephesians 5:26). And I press it further, into the plain flesh of daily life: "He who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:28), for "no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it" (Ephesians 5:29). Nourish. Cherish. These are not grand and distant words; they are the small, faithful acts of tending — feeding, warming, guarding — done day upon day when no one is watching.

Then I reach back to the beginning, to what was written of the first marriage: "the two shall become one flesh" (Ephesians 5:31; Genesis 2:24). And I confess the wonder of it plainly — "This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:32). Do you see? Marriage was never only about marriage. From the garden it was a signpost, pointing past itself to the Bridegroom who loved his bride and gave himself for her.

So take it home simply. Husband, spend yourself for her today in some concrete kindness, and do not wait to be thanked. Wife, honor him without fear, trusting the God who stands over the whole arrangement. And if you have no marriage, or a broken one, or one that grieves you — lift your eyes to the Marriage that cannot fail, to the One who cleanses his bride and will present her radiant. His love for you does not waver. Grace and peace to you.